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The Secret to Overcoming SELF-SABOTAGE!

©2006 Lauralyn Bellamy, MA, MDIV, Certified Dreamcoach®

 

“It’s happening again!”

“Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

“I know what I need to do to succeed at this, so why can’t I just do it?”

 

Welcome to the Self-Sabotage Zone, that shadowy repository of failed jobs, relationships, diets, resolutions, projects and dreams. We’ve all made deposits there. We’ve spent significant money, time and energy trying different techniques, strategies, therapists, counselors and/or trainers to achieve what we say we want for ourselves. The tons of how-to books we’ve bought, the CD programs we’ve listened to, the workshops and seminars we’ve attended are evidence of our good intentions.

Our self-improvement regimens seem to work – for a while; and then, we start to undermine, forget, neglect and (ultimately) just give up. Worse, part of us observes the beginning-of-the-end pattern of our destructive behavior as if behind a thick plate glass  window. We shout exhortations, warnings, threats, pleading not to do this, again! But it’s as if the self we’re observing is in a trance or unable to hear the observer.

At this point, many of us get distracted and seduced by the power of, “Why?” We live in a culture that has absorbed the psychoanalytical premise that exploring why one behaves destructively will lead to powerful insights into one’s personality that will trigger an emotional catharsis (an emptying out, a cleansing) that will lead to the learning of healthy behavior. So, like Alice catching sight of the White Rabbit and chasing it down the rabbit hole, we jump up and chase after the answers to “Why?!”

Frequently, the pursuit of answers to “Why?” does lead to the discovery of insights that are truly illuminative of the reason one behaves a certain way. When that “Ah-HAH!” moment happens, it often does produce catharsis – the kind of weeping that seems to empty us out, wash us clean and leave us ready for a deep restful nap.

BUT, it does not follow as night follows day that this powerful insight and emotional catharsis lead to alternative behavior that overcomes the problems we’ve been attempting to solve.

WHY?

Gotcha! OK, I’m going to tell you the answer to, “Why?”  Then, I’m going to describe an alternative strategy that will successfully dismantle your self-sabotage machinery.

WARNING: Reading the following information will not empower you to successfully overcome your patterns of self-sabotage. It will give you information that may lead to greater self-awareness and, yes, some significant insights into yourself. However, it is the nature of self-sabotage to survive in its host; it will mutate beyond your ability to single handedly eradicate it. Because it is a product of your personality, it has the advantage of knowing your limitations and weak spots, giving it the ability to anticipate your efforts to destroy it and  mask itself, go underground, lie dormant, or aggressively attack you for daring to threaten its existence. The information you are about to read can only be successfully applied with the assistance of a coach or counselor trained to equip and support you in this life-changing quest.

 

WHY?

First, because the goal you think you want to achieve is not real to you: it lives in the realm of Ideals. Ideals are abstract concepts. They make useful templates against which you can design and measure what you actually use in your life; but, no sane person actually lives in the realm of ideals. The “real” world is your best translation of your ideals at any given moment of your life.

Secondly, human beings are programmed to regard the Unknown as a place of danger, risk, and threat to survival. The closer you come to the Unknown, the Wilderness, the Abyss, the Void, the greater your anxiety becomes until it reaches an intolerable intensity and you retreat to the Familiar. No matter how unhappy or painful your familiar behaviors, relationships and thoughts are; you experience relief in getting away from the unknown. You have become addicted to the need for relief from anxiety. What you call “bad habits” are your mechanisms for numbing your anxiety and, in doing so, experiencing moments of relief.

Thirdly, every campaign you launch to achieve your stated goal enchants you. You enter the world of HOW-TO and experience the pleasure of being swept up into a new life of strategies, schedules, techniques, equipment, and people to transport you to your goal. You are so enthusiastic in mastering How-To that you don’t allow your attention to focus on what will happen when you reach your destination. Your goal remains hidden in the Unknown Wilderness of your future.

 

Fourth, the closer you get to reaching your goal the more intense your anxiety becomes. You only know how to make the journey. You have not prepared yourself to live in the world of your destination. It’s as though you boarded a train that will take you to the Forbidden City, a place you’ve heard wonderful things about. After a while, you’ve begun to worry about the wisdom of going to any place called “Forbidden.”  You don’t know what to do; but if you don’t do something soon, you’ll be there and it will be too late!

Fifth, before you reach your destination, you get yourself off that train! You begin the journey back to the familiar place you started out; except, you’re battered, bruised, and carrying heavier baggage. Self-sabotage is a misguided effort to save your life from the threat of the Unknown.

Now that you know why you self-sabotage, you will begin identifying examples of self-sabotage operating in your own life.

Next, you will glean insights about these behaviors.

And after that? Probably an endless loop of recognizing, interpreting and ruminating upon the instances of self-sabotage; but no longterm, practical changes to achieve success. Unless

To be continued!

New Year – Same Ole Me – I Win!

When the "Same Ole Same Ole" is Just Fine, Thank You!
(C)2011 Lauralyn Bellamy
 
 
Sometimes a picture needs a thousand words…
Below, L – R, are pictures of me in size 8/Womens SMALL clothes at Christmas 2010, 2008, 2007,
(2nd row) 2004 in size 10, 2002 in Plus size 3-X!
 
 
 
 
I can add the missing years, but here’s my point:
after a lifetime as a classic YO-YO DIETER (meaning you lose weight, gain it back, and then gain MORE!)
I learned how to overcome the patterns of self-sabotage triggering this soul-crushing pattern.
What’s remarkable about this series of photos is that 2010 was my 6th Christmas in the same size clothing!
And, since January, 2005, I’ve been teaching my coaching clients how to do the same thing!
 
It isn’t hypnosis; it isn’t staying on a diet for the rest of your life; it isn’t about developing iron-clad willpower.
EMBODY SUCCESS!(r) COACHING IS about understanding the fears that have de-railed you in the past,
creating the antidote to each of those fears, imagining the life of your dreams,
choosing to make those dreams a reality, and
learning how to create the behavioral bridge
that will take you into the future you want to thrive in!
 
The articles reprinted elsewhere on this blog can give you a more detailed understanding of
my coaching method.
 
To experience my coaching method, call or email me for a complimentary consult.
 
HEY, ATLANTA! FREE WORKSHOP at
THE PHOENIX & DRAGON BOOKSTORE!
 
"STOP SELF-SABOTAGE IN 2011!"
Sunday, Jan. 30, 2-4PM; repeated Sat., Feb. 5th, 10AM – Noon.
 
Free? Yes! But pre-registration required as space is limited!
To guarantee your seat in the room, call (404) 394-3900,
Do it NOW!
What have you got to lose?!
 
 

 

FREE WORKSHOPS to make 2011 FREE of Self-Sabotage!

ARM YOURSELF WITH THE KNOWLEDGE & SKILL
TO OVERCOME YOUR SELF-SABOTAGE MECHANISMS
FOR A TRANSFORMATIONAL 2011!
FREE WORKSHOPS SCHEDULED IN ATLANTA!
 
 
I’m offering  2-hour introductory workshop that will not only explain what makes my EMBODY SUCCESS! coaching program so effective in overcoming a lifetime of yo-yo dieting; but, will give you opportunity to experience some of the techniques and activities my clients learn!
 
No diet or bariatric surgery is sabotage-proof. Sadly, a third of my clients over the last 6 years have undergone bariatric surgery thinking they would be incapable of re-gaining the weight. WRONG! They found a way to sabotage the surgery 2-4 years post-op. Has anyone seen Carnie Wilson, lately? She was the "poster girl" for gastric bypass surgery in 2002; I just saw her on NBC’s "The Today Show," and she’s well on her way to being morbidly obese, AGAIN! And what about Oprah Winfrey’s very public, courageous, but heart-breaking battle with obesity?
 
The "failure" wasn’t the diet or the surgery; it was our conscious mind’s unawareness of the role the "reptillian brain" plays in aborting success. Using the latest research in how the brain’s LIMBIC SYSTEM functions, I have designed a behavioral modification program that engages and enlists the cooperation of this "reptillian" part of the brain to insure success!
 
This is not a hypnosis session. This IS creative, imaginative, pleasurable and energizing work that clients can enjoy applying to any and all areas of their lives.
 
Although the workshops are FREE, enrollment is limited by space and so PRE-REGISTRATION is REQUIRED.  Waiting lists will be taken when enrollment is reached! RESERVE YOUR SPACE TODAY!
 
Don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions you may have about this workshop or to get additional information on my coaching programs. 
 
You can live the life of your dreams in 2011! Hope to see you in the room!
Best, ALWAYS!
 
Lauralyn Bellamy, MA, MDiv (Emory U), cert. DREAM COACH & DC Group Leader
 
The 4-1-1:
 
Where:  The Phoenix & Dragon Bookstore, Atlanta
When:     Sunday, Jan. 30th, 2 – 4PM; or Saturday, Feb. 5th, 10AM – noon.
Register: Call me  at  404-394-3900; email:  embodysuccess@msn.com
 

 
 
 

There’s An ART to Making Your DREAMS Come True!

FEE JUST LOWERED!
ART WORKSHOP ~ Atlanta ~ Sun., June 14, 2:00-4:30PM
 
Discover the power of your imagination to express your dreams in images, objects, and wisdom words that overcome self-sabotage no matter how long you’ve been struggling!
 
Earlybird fee includes all materials: $45.00 p. person, age 18+
To register: email with the # of persons you’re paying for & the subject line,
"ART workshop"ASAP!
 
 

SABOTAGE-BUSTING ART WORKSHOP!

                                                                         Photograph by Lauralyn Bellamy (c)2006: Collages from a "Praying in Pictures" workshop adorned the retreat center sanctuary during a worship service in May, 2006. [It was a new camera & I didn’t realize the time stamp was not only on, but had not been properly set! ; -(]

WHAT’S ART GOT TO DO WITH OVERCOMING SELF-SABOTAGE?

A LOT! CREATE ART THAT WILL EMPOWER YOU TO OVERCOME

YOUR IMPULSES TO UNDERMINE YOUR DREAM PROJECTS!!

 

Rev. Lauralyn Bellamy has been conducting art workshops since 2001 for the purpose of introducing persons to the non-verbal, spiritual aspects of their personality. The results have been exciting, creative, imaginative and liberating to persons of all faiths and traditions, from agnostic to orthodox!

Now she is adding this dimension to her work as a certified Dream Coach(r) specializing in teaching her clients how to overcome their patterns of self-sabotaging behavior, be it weight loss, career development or relationship wreckage!

Mark your calendar:

SUN., JUNE14, 2:00 – 4:30pm in Atlanta*
 
"TURNING MIND INTO MATTER!"
 
Enrollment will be limited to assure a quality workshop.
Earlybird discount announcement May 1st.
Make sure you’re the first to know the details so you can
register: email me with subject: "6/14 ART WORKSHOP"
 
                                                                             "Praying in Pictures" workshop, May ’06: Photograph by Lauralyn Bellamy (c) 2006 [date stamp error]

 

 

 

REGISTER HERE FOR 3/29 SEMINAR IN ATLANTA!

"SELF-SABOTAGE and OBESITY"
This seminar will give you the
information you need to end your
diet-dooming behavior!
 
Presented by certified DREAM COACH LAURALYN BELLAMY.
featured in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution last month as a
weight loss "SUCCESS STORY!"
 
ADMISSION BY ADVANCED REGISTRATION ONLY!
Attendance will be limited to only 25** participants
Seminar workbook and CD** included! 
**Seminar room smaller than anticipated; I’d rather give
each person more attention than shoehorn in more people!
 
WHERE: ATLANTA’s The Inner Space in Sandy Springs
 
WHEN: Sunday, March 29th, 2:30 – 4:30PM (doors open at 2PM)
 
"EARLYBIRD" discount  – $35 p. personexp. Mar. 25th or
when enrollment filled!
**  PLUS:  spouse/ life partner EARLYBIRD
savings: $28!  (Couple share 1 CD)
 

To receive an HTML version of the seminar brochure, put "3/29 BROCHURE"

in <subject> to lauralyn@embodysuccess.net

FIRST TIME OFFERED OUTSIDE CORPORATE CONFERENCES! (2videos!)

This is not a simple, hypnosis-for-dieting program!

If someone you care about would benefit from this event, please pass This on!  

WANT THIS PROGRAM – or a weekend workshop version – IN YOUR CITY?
Great fund-raiser for your weight loss support group!
A powerful publicity-generating educational event for your bariatric practice!
 
Contact me to discuss how EMBODY SUCCESS! can rejuvenate your programs!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Modeling Self-Care?

Are You Modeling Good Self-Care; or,
Are You Sending the Message,
"Do as I say, not as I do!" ?
 
 
One of the hallmark’s of my coaching style is to model the behaviors I coach in others.
So I’ll be spending most of the next 5 days enjoying family celebrations of Christmas.
 
I dream the best holidays for you and yours and a new year in which YOUR dreams come true!
 
Lovingly sent,  Lauralyn